Moving on after financial mistakes is tough when you\u2019re stuck in \u201cI should have\u201d mode. I should have started saving for retirement sooner. I should have cut up my credit cards years ago. I should have said no to my brother-in-law\u2019s dumb investment idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Acknowledging mistakes is one thing, but ruminating keeps you mired in mental muck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And as long as you stay stuck, \u201cyou\u2019re going to keep repeating those mistakes,\u201d says Therese Nicklas, a certified financial planner and owner of The Wealth Coach for Women in Rockland, Massachusetts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If your money mantra is an endless loop of \u201cI should have\u201d (or \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have\u201d), then it\u2019s time to shift to what you can do now. Here\u2019s how:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Face the money mistake and assess what led to it<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSome people think, \u2018If I ignore it, it\u2019ll just work itself out,\u2019\u201d says David Clarken, a certified financial planner and owner of FWI Wealth Management in Atlanta. \u201cIt\u2019s important to know what you did and how you got there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He recalls his own time of reckoning some 20 years ago. He was spending more than he earned in his first job out of college as a staff accountant. The overspending eventually led to using balance transfer credit cards to make minimum payments on other credit cards. Each time, he\u2019d tell himself, \u201cYou\u2019re an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n But the pattern didn\u2019t stop until he created a spreadsheet and faced the bottom line: He had $10,000 in credit card debt. He realized he had been spending at the level he expected to make after getting promoted. Once he faced the stark numbers and understood the problem, he cut spending and steadily paid off the debt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Take responsibility without beating yourself up<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s OK to feel remorse, Nicklas says. But don\u2019t take a guilt trip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGuilt is like a pity party. You feel bad, but you are not moving forward,\u201d she says. \u201cYou\u2019re just deliberating over the thing you did wrong and not hitting the pause button and identifying, \u2018What can I do better?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Statements like \u201cI\u2019m just lousy with money\u201d become excuses to repeat mistakes, she says. Instead, she says, ask yourself, \u201cHow is this going to benefit me going forward?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She recalls clients \u2014 a couple who owned a small business \u2014 who spent months regretting a decision to spend $3,000 on an unsatisfactory sales training program. They couldn\u2019t get their money back because of fine print in the contract. The lost money was a distraction until they planned how they\u2019d carefully evaluate training programs before buying them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Forgive yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s done is done, but \u201cpeople get stuck in a cycle of shame and negative self-talk,\u201d says Jamie Lynn Byram, an accredited financial counselor and owner of Peace Within Financial Counseling in Suwanee, Georgia. One of her clients who came for help with his wife was so ashamed that he showed up at the appointment with a bag over his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She tells clients: \u201cYou\u2019re not where you want to be now, but you are taking the steps to get to where you want to be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When clients are troubled by financial mistakes, Clarken has them write down the errors, and after assessing what led to them, burn the pieces of paper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ask for help if you need it<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Telling someone can help, but this is not news to share with an overly critical mother or a gossipy friend. \u201cBe careful about who you choose to go to,\u201d says Linda Leitz, a certified financial planner and co-owner of Peace of Mind Financial Planning Inc. in Colorado Springs, Colorado. \u201cWhat you don\u2019t want is to get in front of people who will beat you up for it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stick to people you trust, like Clarken did by talking with his family members about his credit card debt. Among them was his grandfather, who he knew would support his efforts to pay off the debt and hold him accountable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Emotional support from friends and family is important, but turn to professionals if you need help fixing the mistake. Perhaps you bought a financial product that wasn\u2019t right for you, such as an annuity or a whole-life insurance policy you didn\u2019t need. Or you can\u2019t control your spending. Or you\u2019re too overwhelmed to create a financial plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To get an unbiased opinion, choose a financial advisor<\/a> who doesn\u2019t earn commission on financial product sales. See these 10 questions to ask a financial advisor<\/a> to help you find the right match.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If the mistake is a pattern with deep roots, consider talking to a therapist or financial counselor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can find accredited financial counselors through the Association for Financial Counseling and Planning Education<\/a> and financial therapists through the Financial Therapy Association\u2019s member directory<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Move on<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve acknowledged the mistake, assessed how it happened and forgiven yourself, it\u2019s time to let go of the past. Focus on setting goals and creating a plan to achieve them. Make a commitment to what you will do, rather than just thinking about what you should do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As you move forward, acknowledge each positive step, however small. Simply telling yourself \u201cgood job\u201d or getting a high-five from a trusted friend can do wonders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe most important part of the plan is celebrating the victories,\u201d Leitz says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n More From NerdWallet<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The article Ditch This Phrase and Jump-Start Your Financial Plan originally appeared on NerdWallet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Moving on after financial mistakes is tough when you\u2019re stuck in \u201cI should have\u201d mode. I should have started saving for retirement sooner. I should have cut up my credit cards years ago. I should have said no to my brother-in-law\u2019s dumb investment idea. Acknowledging mistakes is one thing, but ruminating keeps you mired in […]","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":1582,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","attr_excerpt":["Moving on after financial mistakes is tough when you\u2019re stuck in \u201cI should have\u201d mode. I should have started saving for retirement sooner. I should have cut up my credit cards years ago. I should have said no to my brother-in-law\u2019s dumb investment idea.\r\n\r\nAcknowledging mistakes is one thing, but ruminating keeps you mired in mental muck."],"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1581","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n