Over the past few years, Meghaan Lurtz has had to turn down two destination bachelorette parties for dear friends. She was in graduate school and didn\u2019t have the money to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt felt really crappy, because these are people that I know and I love and I care about, and I absolutely wanted to be there,\u201d she says. \u201cBut finances are what they are. You have a budget, and budgets have restraints.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lurtz is the president-elect of the Financial Therapy Association. She\u2019s counseled people who\u2019ve been in similar situations and said yes to both the pricey activity and, in turn, credit card debt<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After all, it\u2019s hard to turn down fun with friends. But that fun can add up, as buddies expect you to shell out for group vacations or smaller expenses, like dinners, drinks and concerts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s how to determine whether you\u2019re spending too much with friends and, if so, fix your finances without hurting your relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reflect on your \u2014 not your friends\u2019 \u2014 finances<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n First, recognize that everyone has a unique \u201cmoney mindset\u201d that shapes financial decisions, says wealth psychology expert Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, author of the recent book \u201cBreaking Money Silence.\u201d Income and savings certainly play a part, but so do our upbringings, personalities, cultures and values. \u201cWhat\u2019s important to you and how you spend your money might be different than your friends,\u201d Kingsbury says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u00bb QUIZ:<\/strong> What\u2019s your money personality?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n So resist giving the side-eye when your friend goes for those $600 boots \u2014 that\u2019s her decision and her money. Instead, \u201ctry to come up with your own philosophy around money,\u201d Kingsbury says. Determine what\u2019s important to you \u2014 traveling the world, paying off your credit card debt or buying a home, for example. Then prioritize accordingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kingsbury suggests scrutinizing last month\u2019s credit card and bank statements to make sure your spending aligns with your priorities. Aim to get a broad sense of where your money is going and whether you ought to adjust your spending habits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, you may want to course-correct if you spent $500 at the bars but put $0 toward that home you\u2019re saving for. Creating a budget<\/a>, if you don\u2019t already have one, will help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Spend less money (not time) with friends, if needed<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Say you realize you\u2019re overspending on social activities with friends. This problem is pretty common, Lurtz says, and it\u2019s often driven by FOMO \u2014 the fear of missing out. You may say \u201cyes\u201d to every pricey dinner or group trip, for example, even though your budget screams \u201cno.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember that the point of these outings is likely more about spending time with friends than it is about eating or vacationing, Lurtz says. \u201cSo, if you can be with the person in a less expensive way, do it,\u201d she adds. Here are a couple of strategies:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Use cash. <\/strong>Participate in the activity, but leave the plastic at home and bring only the amount of cash you feel comfortable spending. Unlike swiping a credit card, handing over cash feels more substantial and forces you to use \u201cmental accounting,\u201d Lurtz says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBelieve me, you\u2019re less likely to buy a round of shots for all your friends when you only have a $50 bill in your pocket,\u201d she says. And you still get to hang out. \u201cYou\u2019re out there, you\u2019re going, but you also have the pride in knowing that you prioritized your goals.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Focus on the friendship.<\/strong> You can always pass on activities you don\u2019t want to spend money on. Fight that FOMO by spending time with friends in a different way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, skip the $100 dinner with your crew and grab a $5 latte with those friends the next morning. \u201cYou\u2019re honoring the friendship\u201d and showing interest in spending time together, Kingsbury says. \u201cBut you\u2019re coming up with an alternative for the connection they\u2019re trying to have with you \u2014 at your spending level.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Discuss money with friends<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n When you pass on an activity, thank your friends for the invitation and give them plenty of notice. Be honest about your financial priorities and respectful of theirs, Kingsbury says. Rather than complain about their expensive tastes, explain that you\u2019re trying to save for a home<\/a>, for example.<\/p>\n\n\n\n An open talk about your financial goals \u2014 and your friend\u2019s, if she\u2019s up for it \u2014 does more than lessen the blow of a declined invitation. It can help you become better friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Discussing our money and values, Kingsbury says, \u201cincreases intimacy and helps us understand where the other person is coming from.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n More From NerdWallet<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n The article Don\u2019t Let Friends Derail Your Finances originally appeared on NerdWallet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Over the past few years, Meghaan Lurtz has had to turn down two destination bachelorette parties for dear friends. She was in graduate school and didn\u2019t have the money to go. \u201cIt felt really crappy, because these are people that I know and I love and I care about, and I absolutely wanted to be […]","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":1502,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"no","_lmt_disable":"","attr_excerpt":["First, recognize that everyone has a unique \u201cmoney mindset\u201d that shapes financial decisions, says wealth psychology expert Kathleen Burns Kingsbury, author of the recent book \u201cBreaking Money Silence.\u201d Income and savings certainly play a part, but so do our upbringings, personalities, cultures and values. \u201cWhat\u2019s important to you and how you spend your money might be different than your friends,\u201d Kingsbury says."],"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,3],"tags":[35],"class_list":["post-1501","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-personal-finance","tag-digital-banking"],"yoast_head":"\n